THE DEN'S QUANDARY PAGE

Updated: 6/8/03

The wolves of the den have been studying humans for sometime. Based on the research they have performed during this effort, they have come to the conclusion that it is a truly strange collection of beings. They claim to be superior to the Canis Lupus, (a status wolves feel would be reversed had they opposable thumbs), yet time after time they come up with the most unexplainable things.

To help demonstrate their conclusion, the wolves have provided a collection of confusing items. If you happen to have an explanation for any of these (or other examples), they would be glad to hear from you (doerfpub@ hotmail.com (rmv the space)). Shouts out to SIC and Bedrock for their recent contributions

Oh, and before you waste time responding with the following, the explanation of why "we don't like humans blowing in our face, yet love sticking our heads out the car window" is that we have very sensitive noses and humans have very smelly breath!

The quandary begins....

If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean to make terrible?
When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?
Why are evening gowns worn to nightclubs instead of night gowns?
Are dry cleaner employees ever depressed?
If a piano player is called a pianist, is a person who races cars called rascist?
Why do high school educated actors/actresses think they know world affairs and politics better than individuals that made it through higher education dedicated to these fields?
Shouldn't a single stall bathroom be labeled with man or woman and not men or women?
If "poli" signifies many and "ticks" are blood sucking insects, what does the word "politics" signify?
Why don't sheep shrink in the rain?
Does the needle have to be sterile for a lethal injection?
Why is the slowest travel time called rush hour?
Why is the person you hire to manage your funds called a broker?
Why does Microsoft put the Windows termination command under the Start button?
Why does sun lighten our hair, but darken our skin?
Why is a foul pole in baseball in fair territory?
If shooting below par is the goal in golf, why is sub-par performance considered bad?
If you borrow money from a pessimist, do you have to pay him back?
If requested for a count, can we include all the psychic girlfriends we never met?
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
What is the speed of dark?
Why is a square meal well rounded?
If a woman are the ones who suffer from it, why isn't it called womenstration?
If a woman had created the dictionary, would it have been named the vagtionary?
Does PETA stand for People Eating Tasty Animals?
What does the other dentist recommend?
What do bald people have for their hair color on their driver's license?
What do people in China call their good dishes?
Why do they drive on parkways and park on driveways?
Why is water the first ingredient in many of their shampoos?
Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
How can there be a civil war?
If God dropped acid, would he see people?
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?
If you ate pasta and antipasti, would you still be hungry?
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "*ssteroids"?
Why do they call it a tourist season when they don't shoot at them?
If the "black box" flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole plane made out of the same material?
Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
If man claims they evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
Do they give burn victims a discount on cremations?
If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
Did a person with a lisp name it?
Is there another word for thesaurus?
Why can't government funds be used for promoting religious aspects, yet they can be used for "art" that defiles religion?
Why is a multisyllable word used to define a monosyllable word?
Why doesn't the Bible mention the dinosaurs?
Why is the European Speaker Of The House not allowed to speak?
Why do two wrongs not make a right, but three rights make a left?
If their thoughts are worth a penny, why do they put their two cents in?
Why is it a pair of pants, but only one bra?
When inventing cottage cheese, how did they know when it was done?
Why do they play at a recital, and recite at a play?
If olive oil comes from oil, where does baby oil come from?
If vegetarians eat vegetables, are humanitarians cannibals?
Why are there locks on 24 hour convenience stores?
Why is a boxing ring square?
Why aren't professional boxing scores given after each round?
If pro is the opposite of con, is Congress the opposite of progress?
Why do they play with more balls in eight ball than in nine ball?
What temperature is room temperature?
Can you buy specific items at a general store?
If you face an Oriental west, do they become disoriented?
Why do they call it a garage sale if the garage isn't for sale?
Are there doughbolts for doughnuts?
Why do television psychics have to wait for the phone to ring before answering it?
If their not part of the solution, are they part of the precipitate?
Why do they call the third hand on their watch the second hand?
How do you know if a word is misspelled in a dictionary?
Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?
Why does fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?
Why do tug boats push barges?
Why do they sing 'Take me out to the ball game,' when they are already there?
Why are they called 'stands' when they're made for sitting?
Why is it called 'after dark', when it's really after light?
Why is wise men praised and wise guys ridiculed?
Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
Why is phonics not spelled the way it sounds?
If all the world is a stage, where does the audience sit?
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
If someone is cross-eyed and suffer from dyslexia, can they still read correctly?
Why do they put suits in a garment bag and put garments in a suitcase?
Why do they call it a TV set when you only get one?
Why do steam irons have a "permanent press" setting?
If they have a funeral at night, do they drive with their lights off?
When they ship styrofoam, what do they pack it in?
If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?
How did Wonder Woman ever find her invisible jet?
Why do people hang dream catchers from their rear view mirrors? Are they planning on catching a few winks while driving?
Why do we say taking a dump when really we're leaving one?
Why is the word abbreviation so long?
Why do they call it Wall Street when it is really on an alley?
Why is it called Broadway when it is less than a block long?
Why is it called a wake when it looks like they are sleeping?
Is it still pre-marital sex if you never plan to get married?
If the government has no knowledge of aliens, then why does Title 14, Section 1211 of the Code of Federal Regulations, implemented on July 16, 1969, make it illegal for U.S. citizens to have any contact with extraterrestrials or their vehicles?
If flying is so safe, why do they call their airport the terminal?
If I am a nobody, and nobody is perfect, does that make me perfect?
How come we choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?
If a cow laughed real hard, would milk come out her nose?
Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
Did Adam and Eve have navels?
Did the early settlers ever go on a camping trip?
Can atheists get insurance for acts of God?
How can you tell when your out of invisible ink?
Could someone ever get addicted to counseling? If so, how could you treat them?
Do fish get cramps after eating?
Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as 4's?
Does the little mermaid wear an algebra?
Does the Postmaster General need a stamp of approval?
If a chronic liar tells you he is a chronic liar do you believe him?
If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
If soap is used to make you clean, why does it leave a scum?
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill herself, is it considered a hostage situation?
If superglue is so good, why doesn't it stick to the side of the tube?
Isn't it a little scary that a doctor's work is called practice?
What happened to the first 6 ups?
What was the best thing before sliced bread?
When blind people go to the bathroom, how do they know when they are done wiping their butt?
When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs?
Why do they call them "apartments" when they are all stuck together?
Why does an alarm clock "go off" when it begins ringing?
Why is it called a "building" when it is already built?
Why is it called a bust, when it stops right before the part it is named after?
After eating, do amphibians have to wait an hour before getting out of the water?