Updated: 5/16/07

Here we go: (Note: some movies are referenced multiple times)

1. I just lost my virginity in a confessional
2. What are we doing messing with the mob who are, correct me if I'm wrong, but I think they're going to pour boxes of bullets in his *ss
3. I heard youkilled Grandma with your c*m shot.. that sucks man
4. Our arrows will blot out the sun.. then we will fight in the shade
5. What kind of ammunition do you want? whatever fits ... I'll take the ones in the red box
6. This goes in your mouth, this one goes in your ear and this one goes in your butt... sh*t hang on a second... this one.. no, uh, this one.. this one goes in your mouth
7. Michael, if you are going to sleep this late you are going to miss a few mini dramas
8. First you want to kill me, now you want to kiss me... Blow
9. You wouldn't last a week on the Creek
10. Is there finally and really anything to life other than food, sh*t and sex?
11. Violet, you are turning violet
12. I see dead people
13. To infinity and beyond
14. One time at band camp
15. You complete me
16. Nobody puts baby in the corner
17. Who are you? Death. Cool, you here for me?
18. This Everclear is kicking my ass
19. If I were you, I'd run. If you were me, you'd be good looking
20. I kick ass for the lord
21. I said, put the bunny back in the box
22. I don't have to pee in a cup to tell you I do drugs
23. There's been some family problems, but I don't want to bore you with them. Thanks
24. I like you Lois, your like a man, you think with your nuts
25. You'll feel a lot better if you rip into an occasional customer
26. Kids, can't live with them, can't shoot'em
27. I've been looking for your sweet and sour chicken *ss
28. One soldier against seventeen, what are you going to do? Kill them all sir
29. Ward Douglas, don't you dare fire that gun in this house
30. If your gonna have a pet, keep it on a leash
31. Nathan needs some huggies
32. Enough already with the glowing and the smoke people
33. You know what I'm going to do? First I am going to break you fingers one by one, then I'm going to break your ribs one by one, then I'm going to break your neck. Knock yourself out
34. What a day for a mow
35. My homelife is unsatisfying
36. Harvard and standards are getting lax, their letting anyone in who is bright
37. Waiter, there's snails on her plate
38. What goes with chips... Hmmmm fish!
39. Looking good Billy Ray, feeling good Lewis
40. Of course not mother, I'm only here for the food
41. The bald headed killer bear of Claire County
42. Why is Brett Favre here? I'm in town to play the Dolphins you dumb*ss
43. I found myself driving by convenience stores that weren't even on the way home
44. Mark, listening to this crap is guaranteed to make you sterile. Maybe I want to be sterile
45. Sorry Johnny, Looks like you don't get to be president.
46. Police. You're all under arrest. You do that again, I'll shoot you myself
47. I guess he didn't live up to the responsibility of the job
48. Go that way really fast. If something gets in your way, turn
49. All I need is some tasty waves and I'm fine
50. Fra-gee-lee
51. You're going the wrong way
52. What am I? ... A zit
53. Virgins on the left, non-virgins on the right
54. Aloha Mr. Hand
55. Be the ball
56. Love brokers
57. Your a lean, mean, fighting machine
58. Pain ... such a rush
59. Big Ben ... Parliament
60. When you look in the mirror, you will see my face
61. Hasta la vista baby
62. Don't call me Shirley
63. Princeton can use a man like you
64. I can make a hat, a broach a pterodactyl
65. What we do is if we need that extra push over the cliff...you know what we do? Put it up to eleven. Eleven. Exactly. One louder. Why don't you just make ten louder and make ten be the top number and make that a little louder? These go to eleven.
66. Gee ricky sorry your mom blew up
67. Does Barry Manilow know you raid his wardrobe?
68. You fell victim to one of the classic blunders. The most famous is Never get involved in a land war in Asia. But only slightly less well known is this: Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line
69. Bumbles bounce
70. It's a bit nipply in here
71. Because when you drop a bunch of guns and bats in a room full of killers and tell them to go, their gonna go
72. Yo, Adrian
73. Chicks, cannot hold der smoke! That's what it is!
74. Were not hosting an intergalactic kegger down here
75. We've got bush
76. Look at the size of that heeed
77. What about totally gnarly sex?
78. Bees, bees, killer bees
79. Just one more wafer thin mint
80. What knockers! Why thank you doctor
81. Another banner day in the Bender household
82. Ain't it cool?
83. Toepick!
84. Yippy ciaye mother f*****
85. You can't handle the truth
86. Is it heaven? No it's Iowa
87. Life is like a box of chocolates
88. What is your major malfunction numbnuts
89. Yes, it's true. He has no dick
90. Is everybody gay?
91. Cakeboy
92. I thought you would be bigger
93. It's probably a tumor, you're probably going to die
94. Feed me Seymore
95. It ain't over till the fat lady sings
96. It's big and white and looks like a big Tylonel
97. Is that hair gel?
98. I taunt you a second time
99. Show me the money
100. Mind if we dance with your dates?
101. I can't believe I gave my underpants to a freshman
102. Looks like the University of Illinois for me
103. Take me! Where? I am low on gas and you need a sweater
104. There sure is a lot of space in this mall
105. Diplomatic immunity. Has just been revoked
106. Snakes! I hate snakes
107. Did you hear? School's cancelled today, because Kurt and Ram killed themselves in a repressed homosexual suicide pact.
108. Where's your hand? Between two pillows. Those aren't pillows!
109. Is that a foot long? And then some
110. What mean expendable?
111. Ever serve time
112. You'll shoot your eye out kid
113. Luke, use the force
114. What's with you today? What's with today today.
115. You're just a bit of undigested beef or perhaps piece of cheese
116. Back off big guy! That may work with the chicks, but not with me
117. Damn thee! Damn thee! Damn thee
118. Do you like movies about gladiators?
119. Looks like we're FUBAR
120. The O-need-ers
121. If they send one of yours to the hospital, you send one of theirs to the morgue
122. Brain cloud
123. Sah-wing!
124. Bright light
125. Who's butt did you kiss to get in here? The list is long and distinguished. Yeah, so is my Johnson
126. I deal in human fulfillment. I made $4,000 in one night
127. Get back in your mouse and get out of here
128. I hate Illinois Nazis
129. You know, Elvis is dead. No, he just went home
130. The eternal battle between good and evil, between saint and sinner and you're still not having fun
131. I have been waiting for this my whole life
132. Do you want to live forever Johnny?
133. Smash a man's knee and he will drop like a rock
134. Yeah, I can fly it. I am the best there is
135. The little lights aren't twinkling
136. The new Oldsmobiles are in early this year
137. 50 bucks he eats it
138. I have to go to the Jack
139. A greasy porkchop served on a dirty ashtray
140. I picked a bad night to stop sniffing glue
141. Two? Yeah, go ahead and show me both of 'em
142. Show mommy how the piggies eat
143. You know, your in more dire need of a bl*wj*b than any man in history
144. Stay away from the cans, he hates the cans
145. May I use the restroom please? Thank you
146. JUST SAAAYYY IT! ... Kick some Coooommmmie *ss
147. I don't have time to bleed
148. Ever meet anyone you didn't kill? I haven't killed you yet
149. I see your schwartz is as big as mine
150. Hard six coming out
151. I like you. That is why I am going to kill you last
152. F**k the bonus
153. I love the smell of napalm in the morning
154. I fart in your general di-rection
155. If your here, and I am here, doesn't that make it our time
156. Got a cigarette? Throw it away, they will kill you
157. Are we looking at beans or franks?
158. Double dumbass on you
159. Party on dudes
160. It's just a walk in the park Kazinski
161. Have I had sex tonight with anyone in this room?
162. Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor?
163. Boys have a penis, girls have a vagina
164. We were keeping up international relations. What? You know, flipping the bird
165. I'll get a dog
166. Ah Oh, this one is going to hurt
167. Using the whole fist there Doc?
168. Did she say a mile of cars?
169. God must hate me. Hate him back, it works for me
170. Here's Johnny
171. Baby steps
172. Nice beaver you have there
173. I want you! Is that a trick question
174. Somebody threw away a perfectly good white man
175. It's a dancing hot dog on the screen and you have to have it quite
176. It's UNIX, I know this
177. A polar bear fell on me
178. Weeee! What a predicament
179. Joel, get off the babysitter
180. We're not worthy
181. Did you remember my Cheese Wiz boy?
182. Be excellent to each other
183. Slider, you stink
184. I am standing here right beside myself
185. Pretty girl down there. I wonder if she goes out with one of the yankees?
186. A pool and a pond. The pond would be better for you
187. We're on a mission from God
188. What sound is this? That's my skull
189. My car just hit a water buffalo. Can I borrow that towel?
190. That's the same albino jack rabbit son of a b*tch that killed Huntzinger
191. Hey, were all going to get laid
192. All I need is ... and maybe this chair
193. Gambling is illegal at Bushwood and I never slice
194. She pees standing up
195. I feel the need for speed
196. Hit me again and I'll kill you
197. If I find out you're lying, I am going to come back and kill you in your own kitchen
198. Sorry folks, the park is closed. The moose outside should have told you
199. Sir, sniper approached the captain by being a stinkin' bastard, sir
200. Hats for bats, keep bats warm
201. First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin, then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shalt be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shalt be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thou foe, who being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it.
202. Do you know the street value of this mountain?
203. Wax on wax off
204. Fat guy in a little coat, Fat guy in a littl coat ...
205. these are Ich Luge bullets. My grandfather snared a shitload of them back in WW II. They're like tranquillizers, only they break the surface of the skin, enough to cause a little blood, but no real damage.
206. You see us as a brain, an athelete, a basket case, a princess and a criminal. Correct? That's the way we saw each other at seven o'clock this morning.
207. I know how to French kiss. ...Daddy says I'm the best
208. This must be history, there's the globe
209. The fat man walks slowly. Then the fat man needs to lose some weight
210. I tried to kill myself with a Lady Bic. A pink plastic razor with daisies on it. It took me forever just to break through the skin
211. I am going to activate your dental plan
212. I like my coffee the way I like my men. Black
213. It was like something was wearing Edgar, like a suit, an Edgar suit
214. Never trust anything that can bleed for a week and not die
215. Most folks just don't seem to have a taste for testicles no more
216. Merry Christmas. Shitter's full
217. You can't really dust for vomit
218. My advice to you is to start drinking heavily
219. I love my dead gay son
220. This job would be great if it wasn't for the f**king customers
221. I guess they'd rather be alive than free. Poor dumb bastards
222. Nothing burbs like bacon
223. Let's go do some crimes 
224. Who needs reasons when you've got heroin?
225. I wanna hear you scream. Play some rap music
226. Private, you sh*t for brains, that's gunfire
227. We don't have lice, we're Americans
228. This is twice in two days a chick has OD'ed on me
229. Your the disease and I'm the cure
230. Why is he always calling me meat, I am the one driving the porsche
231. Momma says cops only shoot black people
232. One thought he was invincible, the other thought he could fly. They were both wrong!
233. Did anything back there strike you as a little unusual?
234. Seven years of college, down the drain.
235. I thought you were dead.
236. Why don't you just tie a mattress to your back?
237. I'm a hockey player, but I'm playing golf today
238. Great, the blood sucking Brady bunch
239. Coach, I don't think we survived that plane crash
240. That thing in the back, that's not an air freshner, that's a dead rotting deer carcass
241. And that makes you my new best friend
242. Get out of here Curtis, you know I don't hear you unless you knock
243. Unlimited technology and we drive around in a Ford P.O.S.
244. Your friend died like a pig, a stuck Irish pig, screaming the whole time. Did he sound like this?
245. 6 weeks ago I thought my son had an IQ of a salad bar...because of him we stopped having kids
246. I would have thrown that knife by now
247. I have been going to this high school for 7 years, I am no dummy
248. That's for making me come to Mars. You know how I hate this planet
249. Now that you're in from the cold, how does it feel? Righteous
250. Sinead O' Rebellion. Shock me. Shock me. Shock me with that deviant behavior
251. They are not just regular cops, their some kind of super cops
252. I am an FBI agent. I know, isn't it wild?
253. Actually I have two rules, 1) I don't date musicians 2) I don't kill people
254. I just barfed on an anthill. Cool. I think their pissed
255. Is that Clorets in your pockets or are you just glad to see me?
256. I am feeling a little anxious if you know what I mean
257. Because if I g*dd*mn can't control ya, I might as well support you
258. The Lord Jehova has given unto you these 15, Uh, 10 commandments
259. I told you I wanted to watch the hockey game, so stop the sissy golf thing and clean up in there
260. Vote for "None of the Above"
261. You want to sleep over? Okay, but I get to be on top
262. I want to bring the heater to announce my authority
263. Matrix and I could kill everyone of them in a blink of an eye. Remember that
264. G*dd*mn cook is a seal
265. This is a snakeskin jacket, representing my individuality and thirst for personal freedom
266. The impression Americans have of China is a lot of people with little feet running around kicking the sh*t out of each other
267. Let off some steam Bennett
268. I don't think Burbank the cat is going to like this. I but $5 on the mutt
269. Are those lizard? No Italian
270. I said, I hope they shrivel up and fall off
271. Does this suit make me look fat? No, your face does
272. You already met Mr. Crispy at the hospital
273. Hi, I'm Pauly the P*nis and I just love to have fun
274. Remember Sali when I said I'd kill you last. Yeah, you promised. I lied
275. You're going out with Blaine? That's not a name, that's a major appliance
276. Thanks for dressing up. Hey, if I say myself in clothes like that, I would have to kick my own butt
277. I think I have a way out of this. We can call the police and have them send over a sketch artist and have Miss Ballbricker give a description
278. I eat Green Berets for breakfast
279. That boy is a P-I-G pig
280. He is a familiar, a vampire wannabe
281. What did you do with Sali? I let him go
282. He is such a great kisser, he must practive on melons or something
283. Why do they call her Lassie? Just get her up in the school equipment room and find out for yourself
284. Spent so much time figuring out how to do it, no one stopped to ask if we should
285. Hey, I have a hockey record. I took my skate off and tried to stab someone, nobody ever tried that before
286. $9,104, I counted it twice
287. This movie has warped my fragile little mind
288. This is Pee-Wee
289. Vanity, definitely my favorite sin
290. You did have hair when you went in there. Yeah, and it is still in the sink if you want to glue it
291. See I made Lewis a bet. Lewis didn't think we could get rich and put you in the poor house at the same time. Here's your dollar.
292. Can I have a quarter to get the paper? You know what the best nation in the world is? I hope it's USA. No, it's Dough-nation. Here's for your generosity
293. Ah look, a baby wolf
294. You really do love animals, don't you? Only if it gets cold enough
295. I'm so terrific I have my own toll-free number: 1-800-UNBELIEVABLE!
296. Ever play roulette. Occasionally. Always bet on black
297. What do the English usually eat with chips to make them more interesting
298. Disco blows dogs for quarters
299. She didn't marry your p*nis
300. If I say it's safe to surf this beach,it's safe to surf this beach!
301. I will not be threatened by a walking meat loaf!
302. Did you know that "if" is the middle of the word "life"?
303. The dead know only one thing: it's better to be alive.
304. Where do these stairs go?They go up
305. Excuse me, sir. Seeing as how the V.P. is such a V.I.P., shouldn't we keep the P.C. on the Q.T.? beause of the leaks to the V.C. he could end up M.I.A., and then we'd all be put out in K.P.
306. What are your names, Neil and Bob, or is that like what you do?
307. Charlie don't surf!
308. Red meat, me crave substanence
309. Did I wong you in another life?
310. I caught myself driving by convenience stores that weren't even on my way home
311. So many *ssholes... So few bullets...
312. I love the smell of napalm in the morning
313. They fought like warrior poets and won their freedom
314. Were not afraid to die.Good, 'cause I'm not afraid to kill you
315. I know it really sonds trite, but sometimes when I feel I can't go on, I turn to Jesus and helps me through it
316. This fog is getting thicker! And Leon is getting laaarrrgger!
317. Conversation with Zuzu Petals was like masturbating with a cheese grater, slightly amusing, but mostly painful
318. Hi, come on in! Drugs to the right, hookers to the left.
319. He keeps putting his testicles all over me. Excuse me? You know, like octopus? Testicles? Ohhhh. Tentacles.
320. I found out that I have, um, herpes simplex 10, and I think Victor should go check himself out with his physician to make sure everything is fine before things start falling off on the man.
321. Trouble with Scottland is it's filled with Scotts
322. Between you faith and my Glok 9mm, I take my Glok
323. Lesbians equal ratings
324. Keep moving cheesed*ck
325. A hospital? What is it? It's a big building with patients, but that's not important right now.
326. I've been going to this high school for seven and a half years. I'm no dummy. I know high school girls.
327. They said you was hung! And they was right!
328. Well, it's a big pretty white plane with a red stripe, curtains at the windows, wheels, and it just looks like a big Tylenol!
329. Arrows cost money. Use up the Irish. Their dead cost nothing.
330. Hey Griswold! Where do you think you're gonna put a tree that big? Bend over and I'll show you.You've got a lot of nerve talking to me like that Griswold.I wasn't talking to you.
331. Let off some steam, Bennett.
332. Carl I want you to kill all the gophers on the golf course.Correct me if I'm wrong Sandy, but if I kill all the golfers they'll lock me up and throw away the key.
333. Let's go out dancing! You put on your black dress, and I'll go shave my tongue.
334. Would you mind telling me whose brain I did put in? And you won't be angry? I will not be angry. Abby someone. Abby someone. Abby who? Abby Normal.
335. Now please get out of my Van Halen T-shirt before you jinx the band and they break up.
336. You know, I have a theory that hieroglyphics are just an ancient comic strip about a character named Sphinxy
337. I'm not bad, I'm just drawn that way.
338. So, would you like to have dinner one night? Oh, I like to have dinner every night.
339. Looks like I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue!
340. We're on a mission from God!
341. Lower your flags and march straight back to England, stopping at every home to beg forgiveness for a hundred years of theft rape and murder. Do this and your men shall live. Do it not, and every one of you will die today.
342. The rose goes in the front, big guy.
343. Can I refill your eggnog for you? Get you something to eat? Drive you out to the middle of nowhere and leave you for dead?
344. What we've got here is failure to communicate. Some men you just can't reach, so you get what we had here last week which is the way he wants it. Well, he gets it. And I don't like it any more than you men.
345. Who are you? I'm Jim Morrison. And who's he? A weird naked indian.
346. I would have been here right after you called, but I had to shake the weasels.
347. I haven't seen a beatin' like that since somebody stuck a banana in my pants and turned a monkey loose.
348. You just fulfilled the first rule of law enforcement: make sure when your shift is over you go home alive. Here endeth the lesson.
349. You have much more hair in your nose than my dad. How nice of you to notice. I'm a kid, that's my job.
350. I'm not the first guy who fell in love with a woman that he met at a restaurant who turned out to be the daughter of a kidnapped scientist only to lose her to her childhood lover whom she last saw on a deserted island who then turned out fifteen years later to be the leader of the French Underground. I know. It all sounds like some bad movie.
351. How come you don't have a laser, Woody? It's not a laser! It's a little light that blinks! What's wrong with him? Laser envy.
352. Sex and golf are the two things you can enjoy even if you're not good at them.
353. Have you ever had a whitehead on your eyeball, Mary?
354. When was the last time you were decently kissed? I mean, really, honestly good and kissed?
355. Lucky for me this room is soundproof. That way nobody gets to hear me beating the truth out of you.
356. And may the schwartz be with you
357. We're not just going to let you walk out of here. Who's "we", sucker? Smith, and Wesson, and me.
358. Shoot a nuke down a bug hole, you got alotta dead bugs.
359. Our government has apologized for Bryan Adams on numerous occasions!
360. Now go and kiss your mother or I'll kick your teeth in!
361. Donger's here for five hours, and he's got somebody. I live here my whole life, and I'm like a disease.
362. Women. Can't live with them, can't live without them. Words of wisdom, Lloyd, my man. Words of wisdom.
363. Seems to me, Cap'n, this mission is a serious misallocation of valuable military resources.
364. This dress exacerbates the genetic betrayal that is my legacy.
365. Please Joel, do what they say, just get off the babysitter.
366. What Evelle means to say is, we felt that the institution no longer had anything to offer us.
367. There's a big snake in the plane, Jock! Oh, that's just my pet snake Reggie.
368. Wouldn't it be great if wars could be fought by the same assholes who started them?
369. What now? Bed. Yours or mine?
370. Yeah, well at least your name isn't Michael Bolton! There is nothing wrong with that name. There was nothing wrong with that name, until that no talent ass-clown started selling records!
371. Hey, I don't wanna sound like a queer or nothin', but I think unicorns are kick ass!
372. The American Express Card. Don't steal home without it.
373. Any last requests? Yeah, loosen the knot and let me go.
374. My teacher tells me beauty is on the inside. That's just something ugly people say.
375. You have the right to remain silent, so shut the f*ck up! You have the right to get an attorney. If you can't afford one, we'll get you the dumbest goddamn lawyer we've got. If you get Johnnie Cochrane, I'll kill ya!
376. I was in the toilet reading my contract, and it turns out, I get a bonus when we get to the World Series
377. Maybe I could take your daughter horseback riding. How old is she? She's 13, and if you even look at her funny I'm gonna shove an umbrella up your *ss and open it.
378. I admire you as a policeman, particularly your adherence to violence as a necessary adjunct to the job.
379. How are those maggots?Huh? Maggots, Michael. You're eating maggots. How do they taste?
380. I ain't heard no fat lady! Forget the fat lady. You're Obsessed with fat lady. Just get us out of here!
381. Eat something, I'm begging you! You look like a swizzle stick.
382. I come in peace.Then you go in pieces, *sshole.
383. Evil is a point of view. God kills indiscriminately and so shall we. For no creatures under God are as we are, none so like him as ourselves.
384. Were you born worthless, or did you have to work at it?
385. Have you ever been on a real shrimping boat? No, but I've been on a real big boat.
386. Using the whole fist, Doc?
387. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very freedom that I provide and then questions the manner in which I provide it.
388. Oh, he's very popular Ed. The sportos, the motorheads, geeks, sluts, bloods, waistoids, dweebies, dickheads--they all adore him. They think he's a righteous dude.
389. Just when I thought you couldn't do anything dumber, you do something like this... and completely redeem yourself!
390. Taco Bell was the only restaurant to survive the Franchise Wars. Now all restaurants are Taco Bell.
391. What are you doing?Adjusting your breasts. You fainted and they shifted all out of whack.
392. My little brother had not eaten voluntarily in over three years.
393. Before we let you leave, your commander must cross that field, present himself before this army, put his head between his legs, and kiss his own arse.
394. But the worst part of all is, I never learned to read Is that true? All except the reading part.
395. Is that a real gun, Mom? I don't know, Rusty, but when this is all over, your father may be going away for a little while.
396. Just like a Wop to bring a knife to a gunfight.
397. Yes sir, we're next month's garage sale fodder for sure.
398. You know, you can get a good look at a butcher's ass by shoving your head up it but wouldn't you rather take his word for it?
399. As long as there's, you know, sex and drugs, I can do without the rock and roll.
400. What about Brett Favaruh?
401. Pay attention. The 600 series had rubber skin
402. Hasta la vista, baby.
403. We accidentally replaced your heart with a baked potato. You have about three seconds to live.
404. What do you look for in a woman you date? Well, I know everyone always says sense of humor, but I'd really have to go with breast size.
405. No more yankie my wankie. The Donger need food.
406. A census taker once tried to test me. I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti.
407. Redrum! Redrum! Redrum!
408. He better be worth it. He better go home and cure a disease, or invent a longer-lasting lightbulb.
409. Terrific I've got a trig mid-term tommorrow, and I'm being chased by Guido the killer pimp.
410. I want to see more of you around the lab. Fine. I'll gain weight.
411. Name's Smalls. Leonard Smalls. My friends call me Lenny...only I ain't got no friends.
412. Just how obscene an amount of cash are we talking about here? Profane or really offensive?
413. I am a bad, bad Mormon!
414. Hey O'Connell Looks to me like we've got all the horses! Hey Beni! Looks to me like you're on the wrong side of the river!
415. Do you like my new dress? What ever takes the focus off your head!
416. We both know why I was transferred. Everyone thinks I'm suicidal, in which case, I'm fucked and nobody wants to work with me; or they think I'm faking to draw a psycho pension, in which case, I'm fucked and nobody wants to work with me. Basically, I'm fucked. You're not trying to draw a psycho pension! You really are crazy
417. Are you crying? Are you crying? There's no crying in baseball.
418. Okay, what would Joe do at a time like this? He'd kill everybody and smoke some cigarettes.
419. One thing about living in Santa Carla I never could stomach. All the damn vampires.
420. All major theme parks have delays. When they opened Disneyland in 1956, nothing worked. Yeah, but John, if the Pirates of the Caribbean breaks down, the pirates don't eat the tourists.
421. You know, this was supposed to be my weekend off, but noooo. You got me out here draggin' your heavy ass through the burnin' desert with your dreadlocks stickin' out the back of my parachute. You gotta come down here with an attitude, acting all big and bad and what the hell is that smell? I could've been at a barbecue! But I ain't mad.
422. What was Barbara Streisand's eighth album? Color Me Barbra. Stud! Everybody knows that! Everybody where? The little gay bar on the prairie?
423. Mama always said life was like a box a chocolates, never know what you're gonna get.
424. Am I hallucinating here? Just what in the hell do you think you're doing? Learning about Cuba, and having some food.
425. You have no call to get snippy with me.I'm just trying to do my job here.
426. I hadn't seen a body put together like that since I solved the case of the Murdered Girl with the Big Tits.
427. All I have to say about that is asphinctersayswhat. What? Exactly.
428. I'm going steady, and I French kiss. So? Everybody does that. Yeah, but Daddy says I'm the best at it.
429. I hit it again because that shot was a defining moment, and when a defining moment comes along, you define the moment or the moment defines you.
430. I'm picking up your sarcasm. That's good 'cause I'm laying it on pretty thick.
431. You've been to Nepal? Not in months, I don't know why I bought the damn place.
432. Are you crazy? A man in a really nice camper wants to put our songs on the radio.
433. I can't believe it! We've got no food, we've got no water, our pets heads are falling off!
434. All I need are some tasty waves, a cool buzz, and I'm fine.
435. What is your major malfunction, numbnuts?
436. The complete lack of humility for nature that's being displayed here is staggering.
437. You're a creature of the night, Michael. My own brother, a goddam shit-sucking vampire. You wait 'til Mom finds out!
438. She's so fat, her high school picture was an aerial shot!
439. Well, bite my butt and call me an apple!
440. I'm gonna die on a toilet, aren't I?Guys like you don't die on toilets.
441. He knocked over another ATM. This time at knife point. He needs your legal advice. Stop breaking the law, asshole!
442. These cuffs are made of tensiled steel. It would take you ten minutes to hack through them. [Hands Kid the hacksaw.] If you're quick, and if you're lucky, you can hack through your ankle in five.
443. Give me your torch.Snakes. Why'd it have to be snakes?
444. Biology and other peoples' opinions conspired to keep us childless.
445. Don't eat that. Eating that can cause very large breasts. Oh my God, I'm too late!
446. By night's end, I predict me and her will interface.
447. Mom, I find it interesting that you call The Weekly World News "the paper." A paper contains facts.
448. We've got company. Police? How many? Uh, all of them, I think.
449. Word is they're going to repeal Prohibition. What'll you do then? I think I'll have a drink.
450. I'm going to be frank. OK. Can I still be Garth?
451. It says one hundred percent guaranteed, you moron!Mister, if you don't shut up I'm gonna kick one hundred percent of your *ss!
452. God help us. we're in the hands of engineers.
453. Where are you going? To the bathroom, okay. You wanna come? The doc said I shouldn't lift anything heavy. No, I'll pass
454. You have the right to remain unconscious. Anything you say ain't gonna be much.
455. We released ourselves on our own recognizance.
456. This information cannot leave this room. Ok? It would devastate my reputation as a dude.
457. Dad, how can you hate "The Colonel"? Because he puts a secret ingredient in his chicken that makes ya crave it fortnightly, smart*ss!
458. You just can't go around killing people. Why? What do you mean why? 'Cause you can't. Why? Because you just can't, OK? Trust me on this.
459. Rambo is a pussy
460. Your clothes, give them to me, now
461. Husband negative. Children and a Labrador negative. Tight little package affirmative.
462. I'll be back!
463. Sorry folks, park's closed. Moose out front shoulda told ya.
464. We have clearance Clarence: Roger, Roger. What's our vector Victor?
465. You break my record, now I break you, like I break your friend.
466. It's 106 miles to Chicago, we've got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark and we're wearing sunglasses.Hit it!
467. Go back to England and tell them there that Scotland's daughters and sons are yours no more. Tell them Scotland is free.
468. I don't like to see her upset.If I was you, I'd invest in blindfolds.
469. You're a funny man, Sully, I like you. That's why I'm going to kill you last.
470. I don't appreciate your ruse, ma'am.I beg your pardon?Your ruse; your cunning attempt to trick me.
471. Only one thing in the world could've dragged me away from the soft glow of electric sex gleaming in the window.
472. I thought you'd be the man to beat this year.I guess you'll just have to keep beating yourself.
473. Control is an illusion, you infantile egomaniac.
474. Carlotta was the kind of town where they spell trouble T-R-U-B-I-L, and if you try to correct them, they kill you.
475. Get up, boy. I bet you can squeal. I bet you can squeal like a pig.
476. You're going to regret this for the rest of your life. Both seconds of it!
477. Look, but don't touch. Touch, but don't taste. Taste, but don't swallow.
478. What are the chances of a guy like you and a girl like me...ending up together? Not good. Not good like one in a hundred? I'd say more like one in a million. So you're telling me there's a chance?
479. Offense gets the glory. But defense wins the game.
480. And I guess that was your accomplice in the woodchipper.
481. People on ludes should not drive.
482. There is an intruder - male, Caucasian, possibly armed, certainly weird - in my kitchen.
483. Stupid is as stupid does.
484. Didn't Mommy and Daddy show you enough attention when you were a child?
485. Are you the keymaster?
486. If I ever caught myself dressed like that, I'd have to kick my own *ss!
487. Vampires pretending to be humans, pretending to be vampires.
488. Either you're Santa Claus or you're dead, pal.
489. I'm just a little anxious to get up there and whup E.T.'s *ss.
490. I didn't know you could fly. Fly, yes. Land, no.
491. God creates dinosaurs. God destroys dinosaurs. God creates man. Man destroys God. Man creates dinosaurs. Dinosaurs eat man. Woman inherits the earth.
492. God help us. we're in the hands of engineers.
493. For one dollar I'll guess your weight, your height, or your sex
494. Look at these guys, Colton. No sheep is safe tonight.
495. You shouldn't grab me, Johnny. My mother grabbed me once. Once
496. I woke up early and took the liberty of milking the cow. We don't have a cow, we have a bull. I'm gonna brush my teeth.
497. Holy shit! It's the attack of Eddie Munster! The blood sucking Brady Bunch!
498. Off the record, on the QT, and very hush-hush.
499. You think you are so fucking cool, don't you? You think you are so f*cking cool. But just once, I would like to hear you scream in pain. Play some rap music.
500. You realize, Dr. Angelo, that I have surpassed your intelligence.
501. You haven't changed one bit. Dottie, I married a plastic surgeon!
502. I came here to drink myself to death. How long will it take you? I'd say about three to four weeks.
503. What happened last night? Oh, gunfight, explosions, sharks, you know, the usual.
504. Ummm that was incredible. Was it good for you? I've had better
505. I may not be an explorer...I may not be an adventurer...but I'm proud of what I am! And what is that exactly? I'm a librarian!
506. Gentlemen, congratulations. You're everything we've come to expect from years of government training.
507. I know what you're thinking, 'cause right now I'm thinking the same thing. Actually, I've been thinking it ever since I got here. Why oh why didn't I take the blue pill?
508. Can I get you anything more, doctor? I'm about to retire. Really? You seem so young!
509. Haywood leads the league in most offensive categories, including nose hair. When this guy sneezes, he looks like a party favor.
510. Two days ago, I saw a vehicle that would haul that tanker. You want to get out of here? You talk to me.
511. I'm not a superhero! I'm a Latter-Day Saint.
512. You've been missing quite a bit of work lately. Well, I wouldn't say that I've been actually MISSING it, Bob.
513. Only two things come out of Oklahoma. Steers and queers and I don't see any horns
514. There's a limit to revenge, you know. I guess I just haven't reached mine yet.
515. In case I forget to tell you later, I had a really good time tonight.
516. Money really means nothing to me. Do you think I'd treat my parents' house this way if it did?
517. Son of a bitch is dug in like an Alabama tick.
518. You're no general. You're not even a good painter.
519. You can't kill Barnes. The only one who can kill Barnes, is Barnes.
520. OK, I see it all now. We gotta stomp the shit outta that tall dude!
521. You don't want to quit me, I'm your dream client: I'm the most fun, I'm rich, and I'm always in trouble.
522. So, what we've got is a troop carrier that can't carry troops, a scout vehicle that's too slow, and it cannot engage a tank but carries enough firepower to wipe out half of downtown Washington.
523. Asps. Very dangerous. You go first.
524. I'm gonna let you in on a little secret, Ray. K-Mart sucks.
525. There's right and there's right and never the t'wain shall meet.
526. Have you ever seen a body like this before in your life? She happens to be my daughter. Oh. Then I guess you have.
527. Well who is on our side? Six hundred million screaming Chinamen. I thought there was a billion screaming Chinamen. There was
528. My name is Joel Goodson. I deal in human fulfillment. I grossed over eight thousand dollars in one night. Time of your life, huh kid
529. You know, even though we've watched Pretty Woman like thirty-six times, I never get tired of making fun of it.
530. Blessed be the Lord my strength, which teacheth my hands to war, and my fingers to fight.
531. I do wish we could chat longer, but I'm having an old friend for dinner.
532. My friend told me this thing about men and sex, they think about it 238 times a day. That's ridiculous, it's about every 4 minutes and... yeah, that's about right. I've been here 20 minutes
533. Are my breasts too small for you? Sometimes
534. I can't believe my grandmother actually felt me up!
535. Terri likes to talk to me during sex. Last night she called me from the hotel.
536. Do you actually like haggis? No, I think it's repellent in every way. In fact, I think most Scottish cuisine is based on a dare.
537. Yes, that's right, I saw the Terrance and Phillip movie. Now who wants to touch me?
538. I'm a mog: half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend!
539. Where did you get the test? The mailman. I strangled him. His body's decomposing in my locker.
540. You're some sort of big, fat, smart-bug, aren't you?
541. Go ahead, make my day.
542. Would someone tell me what Mr. Shoop had planned for today? Group sex. No, that's tomorrow. Today is independent study. Right after our mid-morning nap.
543. You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? Then who the hell else are you talkin' to? You talkin' to me? Well I'm the only one here. Who do you think you're talking to? Oh yeah? Huh? Ok.
544. Anybody not wearing 2 million sunblock is gonna have a real bad day
545. It is very important that you don't suck today. Hey, I make no guarantees.
546. Dozens of people spontaneously combust each year. It's just not really widely reported.
547. What happened to the Volmer twins? See those two red spots?
548. Just kick back and let the big dog eat.
549. But what if the Guarantee Fairy's a crazy glue sniffer? Next thing you know there's change missing from your dresser and your daughter's knocked up. I've seen it a hundred times.
550. Goose who's butt did you kiss to get in here anyway? The list is long, but distinguished. Yeah, well so is my Johnson.
551. I know a little German. He's sitting over there.
552. To infinity, and beyond!
553. We would have injected vitamin C if only they had made it illegal!
554. You wanna get Capone? Here's how you get him. He pulls a knife, you pull a gun. He sends one of yours to the hospital, you send one of his to the morgue. That's the Chicago way. And that's how you get Capone!
555. I honestly don't think we're going to find the Grand Canyon on this road. Jesus, it's only the biggest God-damn hole in the world. Clark, watch your language! Make that the second biggest.
556. Benjamin is nobody's friend. If Benjamin were an ice cream flavor, he'd be pralines and d*ck.
557. It vexes me. I'm terribly vexed
558. My plastic surgeon doesn't want me to do anything that involves balls flying at my nose. There goes your social life
559. What's in the car? Seats and a steering wheel
560. There's a shuttle down in the Cosco.. drop us right by the time machine
561. This one will not be over quickly, you will not enjoy this, I'm not your queen