simple hit counter THE DEN'S MOVIE QUOTE PAGE
Home Updated: 5/16/07 Movie Quotes

After a long day of hunting, the wolves like to pop a good movie in the ol' VCR, curl up with a tasty bone and relax for the night. A number of them pass the days recalling their favorite quotes from the movies. See if you can identify the movies these quotes came from. Since the wolves don't speak fluent English, some of the lines may not be completely accurate. They would appreciate any help with correcting these quotes. If you have a correction or even another quote the Den might like, please send them an email and let them know. Note, the wolves like to respond back, but sometimes it takes awhile. They have a bad habit of chewing up the mouse. (Instincts are hard to control 8^) The Den would like to thank the following individuals who have contributed in this effort. The answers are also available! (or if a paw print exists, just hover over it for the answer)

Here we go: (Note: some movies are referenced multiple times)

  1. Detroit Rock City I just lost my virginity in a confessional
  2. Smokin Aces What are we doing messing with the mob who are, correct me if I'm wrong, but I think they're going to pour boxes of bullets in his *ss
  3. American Pie: The Naked Mile I heard youkilled Grandma with your c*m shot.. that sucks man
  4. 300 Our arrows will blot out the sun.. then we will fight in the shade
  5. Crash What kind of ammunition do you want? whatever fits ... I'll take the ones in the red box
  6. Idiocracy This goes in your mouth, this one goes in your ear and this one goes in your butt... sh*t hang on a second... this one.. no, uh, this one.. this one goes in your mouth
  7. The Big Chill Michael, if you are going to sleep this late you are going to miss a few mini dramas
  8. Army of Darkness First you want to kill me, now you want to kiss me... Blow
  9. Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back You wouldn't last a week on the Creek
  10. Bubba Ho-tep Is there finally and really anything to life other than food, sh*t and sex?
  11. Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory Violet, you are turning violet
  12. Sixth Sense I see dead people
  13. Toy Story To infinity and beyond
  14. Amreican Pie One time at band camp
  15. Jerry MacGuire You complete me
  16. Dirty Dancing Nobody puts baby in the corner
  17. Six String Samurai Who are you? Death. Cool, you here for me?
  18. Jason vs Freddy This Everclear is kicking my ass
  19. Six String Samurai If I were you, I'd run. If you were me, you'd be good looking
  20. Dead Alive I kick ass for the lord
  21. ConAir I said, put the bunny back in the box
  22. Out Cold I don't have to pee in a cup to tell you I do drugs
  23. Dumb and Dumber There's been some family problems, but I don't want to bore you with them. Thanks
  24. Simply Irresistable I like you Lois, your like a man, you think with your nuts
  25. Clerks You'll feel a lot better if you rip into an occasional customer
  26. Kids, can't live with them, can't shoot'em
  27. I've been looking for your sweet and sour chicken *ss
  28. One soldier against seventeen, what are you going to do? Kill them all sir
  29. Ward Douglas, don't you dare fire that gun in this house
  30. If your gonna have a pet, keep it on a leash
  31. Nathan needs some huggies
  32. Enough already with the glowing and the smoke people
  33. You know what I'm going to do? First I am going to break you fingers one by one, then I'm going to break your ribs one by one, then I'm going to break your neck. Knock yourself out
  34. What a day for a mow
  35. My homelife is unsatisfying
  36. Harvard and standards are getting lax, their letting anyone in who is bright
  37. Waiter, there's snails on her plate
  38. What goes with chips... Hmmmm fish!
  39. Looking good Billy Ray, feeling good Lewis
  40. Of course not mother, I'm only here for the food
  41. The bald headed killer bear of Claire County
  42. Why is Brett Favre here? I'm in town to play the Dolphins you dumb*ss
  43. I found myself driving by convenience stores that weren't even on the way home
  44. Mark, listening to this crap is guaranteed to make you sterile. Maybe I want to be sterile
  45. Sorry Johnny, Looks like you don't get to be president.
  46. Police. You're all under arrest. You do that again, I'll shoot you myself
  47. I guess he didn't live up to the responsibility of the job
  48. Go that way really fast. If something gets in your way, turn
  49. All I need is some tasty waves and I'm fine
  50. Fra-gee-lee
  51. You're going the wrong way
  52. What am I? ... A zit
  53. Virgins on the left, non-virgins on the right
  54. Aloha Mr. Hand
  55. Be the ball
  56. Love brokers
  57. Your a lean, mean, fighting machine
  58. Pain ... such a rush
  59. Big Ben ... Parliament
  60. When you look in the mirror, you will see my face
  61. Hasta la vista baby
  62. Don't call me Shirley
  63. Princeton can use a man like you
  64. I can make a hat, a broach a pterodactyl
  65. What we do is if we need that extra push over the know what we do? Put it up to eleven. Eleven. Exactly. One louder. Why don't you just make ten louder and make ten be the top number and make that a little louder? These go to eleven.
  66. Gee ricky sorry your mom blew up
  67. Does Barry Manilow know you raid his wardrobe?
  68. You fell victim to one of the classic blunders. The most famous is Never get involved in a land war in Asia. But only slightly less well known is this: Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line
  69. Bumbles bounce
  70. It's a bit nipply in here
  71. Because when you drop a bunch of guns and bats in a room full of killers and tell them to go, their gonna go
  72. Yo, Adrian
  73. Chicks, cannot hold der smoke! That's what it is!
  74. Were not hosting an intergalactic kegger down here
  75. We've got bush
  76. Look at the size of that heeed
  77. What about totally gnarly sex?
  78. Bees, bees, killer bees
  79. Just one more wafer thin mint
  80. What knockers! Why thank you doctor
  81. Another banner day in the Bender household
  82. Ain't it cool?
  83. Toepick!
  84. Yippy ciaye mother f*****
  85. You can't handle the truth
  86. Is it heaven? No it's Iowa
  87. Life is like a box of chocolates
  88. What is your major malfunction numbnuts
  89. Yes, it's true. He has no dick
  90. Is everybody gay?
  91. Cakeboy
  92. I thought you would be bigger
  93. It's probably a tumor, you're probably going to die
  94. Feed me Seymore
  95. It ain't over till the fat lady sings
  96. It's big and white and looks like a big Tylonel
  97. Is that hair gel?
  98. I taunt you a second time
  99. Show me the money
  100. Mind if we dance with your dates?
  101. I can't believe I gave my underpants to a freshman
  102. Looks like the University of Illinois for me
  103. Take me! Where? I am low on gas and you need a sweater
  104. There sure is a lot of space in this mall
  105. Diplomatic immunity. Has just been revoked
  106. Snakes! I hate snakes
  107. Did you hear? School's cancelled today, because Kurt and Ram killed themselves in a repressed homosexual suicide pact.
  108. Where's your hand? Between two pillows. Those aren't pillows!
  109. Is that a foot long? And then some
  110. What mean expendable?
  111. Ever serve time
  112. You'll shoot your eye out kid
  113. Luke, use the force
  114. What's with you today? What's with today today.
  115. You're just a bit of undigested beef or perhaps piece of cheese
  116. Back off big guy! That may work with the chicks, but not with me
  117. Damn thee! Damn thee! Damn thee
  118. Do you like movies about gladiators?
  119. Looks like we're FUBAR
  120. The O-need-ers
  121. If they send one of yours to the hospital, you send one of theirs to the morgue
  122. Brain cloud
  123. Sah-wing!
  124. Bright light
  125. Who's butt did you kiss to get in here? The list is long and distinguished. Yeah, so is my Johnson
  126. I deal in human fulfillment. I made $4,000 in one night
  127. Get back in your mouse and get out of here
  128. I hate Illinois Nazis
  129. You know, Elvis is dead. No, he just went home
  130. The eternal battle between good and evil, between saint and sinner and you're still not having fun
  131. I have been waiting for this my whole life
  132. Do you want to live forever Johnny?
  133. Smash a man's knee and he will drop like a rock
  134. Yeah, I can fly it. I am the best there is
  135. The little lights aren't twinkling
  136. The new Oldsmobiles are in early this year
  137. 50 bucks he eats it
  138. I have to go to the Jack
  139. A greasy porkchop served on a dirty ashtray
  140. I picked a bad night to stop sniffing glue
  141. Two? Yeah, go ahead and show me both of 'em
  142. Show mommy how the piggies eat
  143. You know, your in more dire need of a bl*wj*b than any man in history
  144. Stay away from the cans, he hates the cans
  145. May I use the restroom please? Thank you
  146. JUST SAAAYYY IT! ... Kick some Coooommmmie *ss
  147. I don't have time to bleed
  148. Ever meet anyone you didn't kill? I haven't killed you yet
  149. I see your schwartz is as big as mine
  150. Hard six coming out
  151. I like you. That is why I am going to kill you last
  152. F**k the bonus
  153. I love the smell of napalm in the morning
  154. I fart in your general di-rection
  155. If your here, and I am here, doesn't that make it our time
  156. Got a cigarette? Throw it away, they will kill you
  157. Are we looking at beans or franks?
  158. Double dumbass on you
  159. Party on dudes
  160. It's just a walk in the park Kazinski
  161. Have I had sex tonight with anyone in this room?
  162. Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor?
  163. Boys have a penis, girls have a vagina
  164. We were keeping up international relations. What? You know, flipping the bird
  165. I'll get a dog
  166. Ah Oh, this one is going to hurt
  167. Using the whole fist there Doc?
  168. Did she say a mile of cars?
  169. God must hate me. Hate him back, it works for me
  170. Here's Johnny
  171. Baby steps
  172. Nice beaver you have there
  173. I want you! Is that a trick question
  174. Somebody threw away a perfectly good white man
  175. It's a dancing hot dog on the screen and you have to have it quite
  176. It's UNIX, I know this
  177. A polar bear fell on me
  178. Weeee! What a predicament
  179. Joel, get off the babysitter
  180. We're not worthy
  181. Did you remember my Cheese Wiz boy?
  182. Be excellent to each other
  183. Slider, you stink
  184. I am standing here right beside myself
  185. Pretty girl down there. I wonder if she goes out with one of the yankees?
  186. A pool and a pond. The pond would be better for you
  187. We're on a mission from God
  188. What sound is this? That's my skull
  189. My car just hit a water buffalo. Can I borrow that towel?
  190. That's the same albino jack rabbit son of a b*tch that killed Huntzinger
  191. Hey, were all going to get laid
  192. All I need is ... and maybe this chair
  193. Gambling is illegal at Bushwood and I never slice
  194. She pees standing up
  195. I feel the need for speed
  196. Hit me again and I'll kill you
  197. If I find out you're lying, I am going to come back and kill you in your own kitchen
  198. Sorry folks, the park is closed. The moose outside should have told you
  199. Sir, sniper approached the captain by being a stinkin' bastard, sir
  200. Hats for bats, keep bats warm
  201. First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin, then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shalt be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shalt be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thou foe, who being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it.
  202. Do you know the street value of this mountain?
  203. Wax on wax off
  204. Fat guy in a little coat, Fat guy in a littl coat ...
  205. these are Ich Luge bullets. My grandfather snared a shitload of them back in WW II. They're like tranquillizers, only they break the surface of the skin, enough to cause a little blood, but no real damage.
  206. You see us as a brain, an athelete, a basket case, a princess and a criminal. Correct? That's the way we saw each other at seven o'clock this morning.
  207. I know how to French kiss. ...Daddy says I'm the best
  208. This must be history, there's the globe
  209. The fat man walks slowly. Then the fat man needs to lose some weight
  210. I tried to kill myself with a Lady Bic. A pink plastic razor with daisies on it. It took me forever just to break through the skin
  211. I am going to activate your dental plan
  212. I like my coffee the way I like my men. Black
  213. It was like something was wearing Edgar, like a suit, an Edgar suit
  214. Never trust anything that can bleed for a week and not die
  215. Most folks just don't seem to have a taste for testicles no more
  216. Merry Christmas. Shitter's full
  217. You can't really dust for vomit
  218. My advice to you is to start drinking heavily
  219. I love my dead gay son
  220. This job would be great if it wasn't for the f**king customers
  221. I guess they'd rather be alive than free. Poor dumb bastards
  222. Nothing burbs like bacon
  223. Let's go do some crimes 
  224. Who needs reasons when you've got heroin?
  225. I wanna hear you scream. Play some rap music
  226. Private, you sh*t for brains, that's gunfire
  227. We don't have lice, we're Americans
  228. This is twice in two days a chick has OD'ed on me
  229. Your the disease and I'm the cure
  230. Why is he always calling me meat, I am the one driving the porsche
  231. Momma says cops only shoot black people
  232. One thought he was invincible, the other thought he could fly. They were both wrong!
  233. Did anything back there strike you as a little unusual?
  234. Seven years of college, down the drain.
  235. I thought you were dead.
  236. Why don't you just tie a mattress to your back?
  237. I'm a hockey player, but I'm playing golf today
  238. Great, the blood sucking Brady bunch
  239. Coach, I don't think we survived that plane crash
  240. That thing in the back, that's not an air freshner, that's a dead rotting deer carcass
  241. And that makes you my new best friend
  242. Get out of here Curtis, you know I don't hear you unless you knock
  243. Unlimited technology and we drive around in a Ford P.O.S.
  244. Your friend died like a pig, a stuck Irish pig, screaming the whole time. Did he sound like this?
  245. 6 weeks ago I thought my son had an IQ of a salad bar...because of him we stopped having kids
  246. I would have thrown that knife by now
  247. I have been going to this high school for 7 years, I am no dummy
  248. That's for making me come to Mars. You know how I hate this planet
  249. Now that you're in from the cold, how does it feel? Righteous
  250. Sinead O' Rebellion. Shock me. Shock me. Shock me with that deviant behavior
  251. They are not just regular cops, their some kind of super cops
  252. I am an FBI agent. I know, isn't it wild?
  253. Actually I have two rules, 1) I don't date musicians 2) I don't kill people
  254. I just barfed on an anthill. Cool. I think their pissed
  255. Is that Clorets in your pockets or are you just glad to see me?
  256. I am feeling a little anxious if you know what I mean
  257. Because if I g*dd*mn can't control ya, I might as well support you
  258. The Lord Jehova has given unto you these 15, Uh, 10 commandments
  259. I told you I wanted to watch the hockey game, so stop the sissy golf thing and clean up in there
  260. Vote for "None of the Above"
  261. You want to sleep over? Okay, but I get to be on top
  262. I want to bring the heater to announce my authority
  263. Matrix and I could kill everyone of them in a blink of an eye. Remember that
  264. G*dd*mn cook is a seal
  265. This is a snakeskin jacket, representing my individuality and thirst for personal freedom
  266. The impression Americans have of China is a lot of people with little feet running around kicking the sh*t out of each other
  267. Let off some steam Bennett
  268. I don't think Burbank the cat is going to like this. I but $5 on the mutt
  269. Are those lizard? No Italian
  270. I said, I hope they shrivel up and fall off
  271. Does this suit make me look fat? No, your face does
  272. You already met Mr. Crispy at the hospital
  273. Hi, I'm Pauly the P*nis and I just love to have fun
  274. Remember Sali when I said I'd kill you last. Yeah, you promised. I lied
  275. You're going out with Blaine? That's not a name, that's a major appliance
  276. Thanks for dressing up. Hey, if I say myself in clothes like that, I would have to kick my own butt
  277. I think I have a way out of this. We can call the police and have them send over a sketch artist and have Miss Ballbricker give a description
  278. I eat Green Berets for breakfast
  279. That boy is a P-I-G pig
  280. He is a familiar, a vampire wannabe
  281. What did you do with Sali? I let him go
  282. He is such a great kisser, he must practive on melons or something
  283. Why do they call her Lassie? Just get her up in the school equipment room and find out for yourself
  284. Spent so much time figuring out how to do it, no one stopped to ask if we should
  285. Hey, I have a hockey record. I took my skate off and tried to stab someone, nobody ever tried that before
  286. $9,104, I counted it twice
  287. This movie has warped my fragile little mind
  288. This is Pee-Wee
  289. Vanity, definitely my favorite sin
  290. You did have hair when you went in there. Yeah, and it is still in the sink if you want to glue it
  291. See I made Lewis a bet. Lewis didn't think we could get rich and put you in the poor house at the same time. Here's your dollar.
  292. Can I have a quarter to get the paper? You know what the best nation in the world is? I hope it's USA. No, it's Dough-nation. Here's for your generosity
  293. Ah look, a baby wolf
  294. You really do love animals, don't you? Only if it gets cold enough
  295. I'm so terrific I have my own toll-free number: 1-800-UNBELIEVABLE!
  296. Ever play roulette. Occasionally. Always bet on black
  297. What do the English usually eat with chips to make them more interesting
  298. Disco blows dogs for quarters
  299. She didn't marry your p*nis
  300. If I say it's safe to surf this beach,it's safe to surf this beach!
  301. I will not be threatened by a walking meat loaf!
  302. Did you know that "if" is the middle of the word "life"?
  303. The dead know only one thing: it's better to be alive.
  304. Where do these stairs go?They go up
  305. Excuse me, sir. Seeing as how the V.P. is such a V.I.P., shouldn't we keep the P.C. on the Q.T.? beause of the leaks to the V.C. he could end up M.I.A., and then we'd all be put out in K.P.
  306. What are your names, Neil and Bob, or is that like what you do?
  307. Charlie don't surf!
  308. Red meat, me crave substanence
  309. Did I wong you in another life?
  310. I caught myself driving by convenience stores that weren't even on my way home
  311. So many *ssholes... So few bullets...
  312. I love the smell of napalm in the morning
  313. They fought like warrior poets and won their freedom
  314. Were not afraid to die.Good, 'cause I'm not afraid to kill you
  315. I know it really sonds trite, but sometimes when I feel I can't go on, I turn to Jesus and helps me through it
  316. This fog is getting thicker! And Leon is getting laaarrrgger!
  317. Conversation with Zuzu Petals was like masturbating with a cheese grater, slightly amusing, but mostly painful
  318. Hi, come on in! Drugs to the right, hookers to the left.
  319. He keeps putting his testicles all over me. Excuse me? You know, like octopus? Testicles? Ohhhh. Tentacles.
  320. I found out that I have, um, herpes simplex 10, and I think Victor should go check himself out with his physician to make sure everything is fine before things start falling off on the man.
  321. Trouble with Scottland is it's filled with Scotts
  322. Between you faith and my Glok 9mm, I take my Glok
  323. Lesbians equal ratings
  324. Keep moving cheesed*ck
  325. A hospital? What is it? It's a big building with patients, but that's not important right now.
  326. I've been going to this high school for seven and a half years. I'm no dummy. I know high school girls.
  327. They said you was hung! And they was right!
  328. Well, it's a big pretty white plane with a red stripe, curtains at the windows, wheels, and it just looks like a big Tylenol!
  329. Arrows cost money. Use up the Irish. Their dead cost nothing.
  330. Hey Griswold! Where do you think you're gonna put a tree that big? Bend over and I'll show you.You've got a lot of nerve talking to me like that Griswold.I wasn't talking to you.
  331. Let off some steam, Bennett.
  332. Carl I want you to kill all the gophers on the golf course.Correct me if I'm wrong Sandy, but if I kill all the golfers they'll lock me up and throw away the key.
  333. Let's go out dancing! You put on your black dress, and I'll go shave my tongue.
  334. Would you mind telling me whose brain I did put in? And you won't be angry? I will not be angry. Abby someone. Abby someone. Abby who? Abby Normal.
  335. Now please get out of my Van Halen T-shirt before you jinx the band and they break up.
  336. You know, I have a theory that hieroglyphics are just an ancient comic strip about a character named Sphinxy
  337. I'm not bad, I'm just drawn that way.
  338. So, would you like to have dinner one night? Oh, I like to have dinner every night.
  339. Looks like I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue!
  340. We're on a mission from God!
  341. Lower your flags and march straight back to England, stopping at every home to beg forgiveness for a hundred years of theft rape and murder. Do this and your men shall live. Do it not, and every one of you will die today.
  342. The rose goes in the front, big guy.
  343. Can I refill your eggnog for you? Get you something to eat? Drive you out to the middle of nowhere and leave you for dead?
  344. What we've got here is failure to communicate. Some men you just can't reach, so you get what we had here last week which is the way he wants it. Well, he gets it. And I don't like it any more than you men.
  345. Who are you? I'm Jim Morrison. And who's he? A weird naked indian.
  346. I would have been here right after you called, but I had to shake the weasels.
  347. I haven't seen a beatin' like that since somebody stuck a banana in my pants and turned a monkey loose.
  348. You just fulfilled the first rule of law enforcement: make sure when your shift is over you go home alive. Here endeth the lesson.
  349. You have much more hair in your nose than my dad. How nice of you to notice. I'm a kid, that's my job.
  350. I'm not the first guy who fell in love with a woman that he met at a restaurant who turned out to be the daughter of a kidnapped scientist only to lose her to her childhood lover whom she last saw on a deserted island who then turned out fifteen years later to be the leader of the French Underground. I know. It all sounds like some bad movie.
  351. How come you don't have a laser, Woody? It's not a laser! It's a little light that blinks! What's wrong with him? Laser envy.
  352. Sex and golf are the two things you can enjoy even if you're not good at them.
  353. Have you ever had a whitehead on your eyeball, Mary?
  354. When was the last time you were decently kissed? I mean, really, honestly good and kissed?
  355. Lucky for me this room is soundproof. That way nobody gets to hear me beating the truth out of you.
  356. And may the schwartz be with you
  357. We're not just going to let you walk out of here. Who's "we", sucker? Smith, and Wesson, and me.
  358. Shoot a nuke down a bug hole, you got alotta dead bugs.
  359. Our government has apologized for Bryan Adams on numerous occasions!
  360. Now go and kiss your mother or I'll kick your teeth in!
  361. Donger's here for five hours, and he's got somebody. I live here my whole life, and I'm like a disease.
  362. Women. Can't live with them, can't live without them. Words of wisdom, Lloyd, my man. Words of wisdom.
  363. Seems to me, Cap'n, this mission is a serious misallocation of valuable military resources.
  364. This dress exacerbates the genetic betrayal that is my legacy.
  365. Please Joel, do what they say, just get off the babysitter.
  366. What Evelle means to say is, we felt that the institution no longer had anything to offer us.
  367. There's a big snake in the plane, Jock! Oh, that's just my pet snake Reggie.
  368. Wouldn't it be great if wars could be fought by the same assholes who started them?
  369. What now? Bed. Yours or mine?
  370. Yeah, well at least your name isn't Michael Bolton! There is nothing wrong with that name. There was nothing wrong with that name, until that no talent ass-clown started selling records!
  371. Hey, I don't wanna sound like a queer or nothin', but I think unicorns are kick ass!
  372. The American Express Card. Don't steal home without it.
  373. Any last requests? Yeah, loosen the knot and let me go.
  374. My teacher tells me beauty is on the inside. That's just something ugly people say.
  375. You have the right to remain silent, so shut the f*ck up! You have the right to get an attorney. If you can't afford one, we'll get you the dumbest goddamn lawyer we've got. If you get Johnnie Cochrane, I'll kill ya!
  376. I was in the toilet reading my contract, and it turns out, I get a bonus when we get to the World Series
  377. Maybe I could take your daughter horseback riding. How old is she? She's 13, and if you even look at her funny I'm gonna shove an umbrella up your *ss and open it.
  378. I admire you as a policeman, particularly your adherence to violence as a necessary adjunct to the job.
  379. How are those maggots?Huh? Maggots, Michael. You're eating maggots. How do they taste?
  380. I ain't heard no fat lady! Forget the fat lady. You're Obsessed with fat lady. Just get us out of here!
  381. Eat something, I'm begging you! You look like a swizzle stick.
  382. I come in peace.Then you go in pieces, *sshole.
  383. Evil is a point of view. God kills indiscriminately and so shall we. For no creatures under God are as we are, none so like him as ourselves.
  384. Were you born worthless, or did you have to work at it?
  385. Have you ever been on a real shrimping boat? No, but I've been on a real big boat.
  386. Using the whole fist, Doc?
  387. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very freedom that I provide and then questions the manner in which I provide it.
  388. Oh, he's very popular Ed. The sportos, the motorheads, geeks, sluts, bloods, waistoids, dweebies, dickheads--they all adore him. They think he's a righteous dude.
  389. Just when I thought you couldn't do anything dumber, you do something like this... and completely redeem yourself!
  390. Taco Bell was the only restaurant to survive the Franchise Wars. Now all restaurants are Taco Bell.
  391. What are you doing?Adjusting your breasts. You fainted and they shifted all out of whack.
  392. My little brother had not eaten voluntarily in over three years.
  393. Before we let you leave, your commander must cross that field, present himself before this army, put his head between his legs, and kiss his own arse.
  394. But the worst part of all is, I never learned to read Is that true? All except the reading part.
  395. Is that a real gun, Mom? I don't know, Rusty, but when this is all over, your father may be going away for a little while.
  396. Just like a Wop to bring a knife to a gunfight.
  397. Yes sir, we're next month's garage sale fodder for sure.
  398. You know, you can get a good look at a butcher's ass by shoving your head up it but wouldn't you rather take his word for it?
  399. As long as there's, you know, sex and drugs, I can do without the rock and roll.
  400. What about Brett Favaruh?
  401. Pay attention. The 600 series had rubber skin
  402. Hasta la vista, baby.
  403. We accidentally replaced your heart with a baked potato. You have about three seconds to live.
  404. What do you look for in a woman you date? Well, I know everyone always says sense of humor, but I'd really have to go with breast size.
  405. No more yankie my wankie. The Donger need food.
  406. A census taker once tried to test me. I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti.
  407. Redrum! Redrum! Redrum!
  408. He better be worth it. He better go home and cure a disease, or invent a longer-lasting lightbulb.
  409. Terrific I've got a trig mid-term tommorrow, and I'm being chased by Guido the killer pimp.
  410. I want to see more of you around the lab. Fine. I'll gain weight.
  411. Name's Smalls. Leonard Smalls. My friends call me Lenny...only I ain't got no friends.
  412. Just how obscene an amount of cash are we talking about here? Profane or really offensive?
  413. I am a bad, bad Mormon!
  414. Hey O'Connell Looks to me like we've got all the horses! Hey Beni! Looks to me like you're on the wrong side of the river!
  415. Do you like my new dress? What ever takes the focus off your head!
  416. We both know why I was transferred. Everyone thinks I'm suicidal, in which case, I'm fucked and nobody wants to work with me; or they think I'm faking to draw a psycho pension, in which case, I'm fucked and nobody wants to work with me. Basically, I'm fucked. You're not trying to draw a psycho pension! You really are crazy
  417. Are you crying? Are you crying? There's no crying in baseball.
  418. Okay, what would Joe do at a time like this? He'd kill everybody and smoke some cigarettes.
  419. One thing about living in Santa Carla I never could stomach. All the damn vampires.
  420. All major theme parks have delays. When they opened Disneyland in 1956, nothing worked. Yeah, but John, if the Pirates of the Caribbean breaks down, the pirates don't eat the tourists.
  421. You know, this was supposed to be my weekend off, but noooo. You got me out here draggin' your heavy ass through the burnin' desert with your dreadlocks stickin' out the back of my parachute. You gotta come down here with an attitude, acting all big and bad and what the hell is that smell? I could've been at a barbecue! But I ain't mad.
  422. What was Barbara Streisand's eighth album? Color Me Barbra. Stud! Everybody knows that! Everybody where? The little gay bar on the prairie?
  423. Mama always said life was like a box a chocolates, never know what you're gonna get.
  424. Am I hallucinating here? Just what in the hell do you think you're doing? Learning about Cuba, and having some food.
  425. You have no call to get snippy with me.I'm just trying to do my job here.
  426. I hadn't seen a body put together like that since I solved the case of the Murdered Girl with the Big Tits.
  427. All I have to say about that is asphinctersayswhat. What? Exactly.
  428. I'm going steady, and I French kiss. So? Everybody does that. Yeah, but Daddy says I'm the best at it.
  429. I hit it again because that shot was a defining moment, and when a defining moment comes along, you define the moment or the moment defines you.
  430. I'm picking up your sarcasm. That's good 'cause I'm laying it on pretty thick.
  431. You've been to Nepal? Not in months, I don't know why I bought the damn place.
  432. Are you crazy? A man in a really nice camper wants to put our songs on the radio.
  433. I can't believe it! We've got no food, we've got no water, our pets heads are falling off!
  434. All I need are some tasty waves, a cool buzz, and I'm fine.
  435. What is your major malfunction, numbnuts?
  436. The complete lack of humility for nature that's being displayed here is staggering.
  437. You're a creature of the night, Michael. My own brother, a goddam shit-sucking vampire. You wait 'til Mom finds out!
  438. She's so fat, her high school picture was an aerial shot!
  439. Well, bite my butt and call me an apple!
  440. I'm gonna die on a toilet, aren't I?Guys like you don't die on toilets.
  441. He knocked over another ATM. This time at knife point. He needs your legal advice. Stop breaking the law, asshole!
  442. These cuffs are made of tensiled steel. It would take you ten minutes to hack through them. [Hands Kid the hacksaw.] If you're quick, and if you're lucky, you can hack through your ankle in five.
  443. Give me your torch.Snakes. Why'd it have to be snakes?
  444. Biology and other peoples' opinions conspired to keep us childless.
  445. Don't eat that. Eating that can cause very large breasts. Oh my God, I'm too late!
  446. By night's end, I predict me and her will interface.
  447. Mom, I find it interesting that you call The Weekly World News "the paper." A paper contains facts.
  448. We've got company. Police? How many? Uh, all of them, I think.
  449. Word is they're going to repeal Prohibition. What'll you do then? I think I'll have a drink.
  450. I'm going to be frank. OK. Can I still be Garth?
  451. It says one hundred percent guaranteed, you moron!Mister, if you don't shut up I'm gonna kick one hundred percent of your *ss!
  452. God help us. we're in the hands of engineers.
  453. Where are you going? To the bathroom, okay. You wanna come? The doc said I shouldn't lift anything heavy. No, I'll pass
  454. You have the right to remain unconscious. Anything you say ain't gonna be much.
  455. We released ourselves on our own recognizance.
  456. This information cannot leave this room. Ok? It would devastate my reputation as a dude.
  457. Dad, how can you hate "The Colonel"? Because he puts a secret ingredient in his chicken that makes ya crave it fortnightly, smart*ss!
  458. You just can't go around killing people. Why? What do you mean why? 'Cause you can't. Why? Because you just can't, OK? Trust me on this.
  459. Rambo is a pussy
  460. Your clothes, give them to me, now
  461. Husband negative. Children and a Labrador negative. Tight little package affirmative.
  462. I'll be back!
  463. Sorry folks, park's closed. Moose out front shoulda told ya.
  464. We have clearance Clarence: Roger, Roger. What's our vector Victor?
  465. You break my record, now I break you, like I break your friend.
  466. It's 106 miles to Chicago, we've got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark and we're wearing sunglasses.Hit it!
  467. Go back to England and tell them there that Scotland's daughters and sons are yours no more. Tell them Scotland is free.
  468. I don't like to see her upset.If I was you, I'd invest in blindfolds.
  469. You're a funny man, Sully, I like you. That's why I'm going to kill you last.
  470. I don't appreciate your ruse, ma'am.I beg your pardon?Your ruse; your cunning attempt to trick me.
  471. Only one thing in the world could've dragged me away from the soft glow of electric sex gleaming in the window.
  472. I thought you'd be the man to beat this year.I guess you'll just have to keep beating yourself.
  473. Control is an illusion, you infantile egomaniac.
  474. Carlotta was the kind of town where they spell trouble T-R-U-B-I-L, and if you try to correct them, they kill you.
  475. Get up, boy. I bet you can squeal. I bet you can squeal like a pig.
  476. You're going to regret this for the rest of your life. Both seconds of it!
  477. Look, but don't touch. Touch, but don't taste. Taste, but don't swallow.
  478. What are the chances of a guy like you and a girl like me...ending up together? Not good. Not good like one in a hundred? I'd say more like one in a million. So you're telling me there's a chance?
  479. Offense gets the glory. But defense wins the game.
  480. And I guess that was your accomplice in the woodchipper.
  481. People on ludes should not drive.
  482. There is an intruder - male, Caucasian, possibly armed, certainly weird - in my kitchen.
  483. Stupid is as stupid does.
  484. Didn't Mommy and Daddy show you enough attention when you were a child?
  485. Are you the keymaster?
  486. If I ever caught myself dressed like that, I'd have to kick my own *ss!
  487. Vampires pretending to be humans, pretending to be vampires.
  488. Either you're Santa Claus or you're dead, pal.
  489. I'm just a little anxious to get up there and whup E.T.'s *ss.
  490. I didn't know you could fly. Fly, yes. Land, no.
  491. God creates dinosaurs. God destroys dinosaurs. God creates man. Man destroys God. Man creates dinosaurs. Dinosaurs eat man. Woman inherits the earth.
  492. God help us. we're in the hands of engineers.
  493. For one dollar I'll guess your weight, your height, or your sex
  494. Look at these guys, Colton. No sheep is safe tonight.
  495. You shouldn't grab me, Johnny. My mother grabbed me once. Once
  496. I woke up early and took the liberty of milking the cow. We don't have a cow, we have a bull. I'm gonna brush my teeth.
  497. Holy shit! It's the attack of Eddie Munster! The blood sucking Brady Bunch!
  498. Off the record, on the QT, and very hush-hush.
  499. You think you are so fucking cool, don't you? You think you are so f*cking cool. But just once, I would like to hear you scream in pain. Play some rap music.
  500. You realize, Dr. Angelo, that I have surpassed your intelligence.
  501. You haven't changed one bit. Dottie, I married a plastic surgeon!
  502. I came here to drink myself to death. How long will it take you? I'd say about three to four weeks.
  503. What happened last night? Oh, gunfight, explosions, sharks, you know, the usual.
  504. Ummm that was incredible. Was it good for you? I've had better
  505. I may not be an explorer...I may not be an adventurer...but I'm proud of what I am! And what is that exactly? I'm a librarian!
  506. Gentlemen, congratulations. You're everything we've come to expect from years of government training.
  507. I know what you're thinking, 'cause right now I'm thinking the same thing. Actually, I've been thinking it ever since I got here. Why oh why didn't I take the blue pill?
  508. Can I get you anything more, doctor? I'm about to retire. Really? You seem so young!
  509. Haywood leads the league in most offensive categories, including nose hair. When this guy sneezes, he looks like a party favor.
  510. Two days ago, I saw a vehicle that would haul that tanker. You want to get out of here? You talk to me.
  511. I'm not a superhero! I'm a Latter-Day Saint.
  512. You've been missing quite a bit of work lately. Well, I wouldn't say that I've been actually MISSING it, Bob.
  513. Only two things come out of Oklahoma. Steers and queers and I don't see any horns
  514. There's a limit to revenge, you know. I guess I just haven't reached mine yet.
  515. In case I forget to tell you later, I had a really good time tonight.
  516. Money really means nothing to me. Do you think I'd treat my parents' house this way if it did?
  517. Son of a bitch is dug in like an Alabama tick.
  518. You're no general. You're not even a good painter.
  519. You can't kill Barnes. The only one who can kill Barnes, is Barnes.
  520. OK, I see it all now. We gotta stomp the shit outta that tall dude!
  521. You don't want to quit me, I'm your dream client: I'm the most fun, I'm rich, and I'm always in trouble.
  522. So, what we've got is a troop carrier that can't carry troops, a scout vehicle that's too slow, and it cannot engage a tank but carries enough firepower to wipe out half of downtown Washington.
  523. Asps. Very dangerous. You go first.
  524. I'm gonna let you in on a little secret, Ray. K-Mart sucks.
  525. There's right and there's right and never the t'wain shall meet.
  526. Have you ever seen a body like this before in your life? She happens to be my daughter. Oh. Then I guess you have.
  527. Well who is on our side? Six hundred million screaming Chinamen. I thought there was a billion screaming Chinamen. There was
  528. My name is Joel Goodson. I deal in human fulfillment. I grossed over eight thousand dollars in one night. Time of your life, huh kid
  529. You know, even though we've watched Pretty Woman like thirty-six times, I never get tired of making fun of it.
  530. Blessed be the Lord my strength, which teacheth my hands to war, and my fingers to fight.
  531. I do wish we could chat longer, but I'm having an old friend for dinner.
  532. My friend told me this thing about men and sex, they think about it 238 times a day. That's ridiculous, it's about every 4 minutes and... yeah, that's about right. I've been here 20 minutes
  533. Are my breasts too small for you? Sometimes
  534. I can't believe my grandmother actually felt me up!
  535. Terri likes to talk to me during sex. Last night she called me from the hotel.
  536. Do you actually like haggis? No, I think it's repellent in every way. In fact, I think most Scottish cuisine is based on a dare.
  537. Yes, that's right, I saw the Terrance and Phillip movie. Now who wants to touch me?
  538. I'm a mog: half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend!
  539. Where did you get the test? The mailman. I strangled him. His body's decomposing in my locker.
  540. You're some sort of big, fat, smart-bug, aren't you?
  541. Go ahead, make my day.
  542. Would someone tell me what Mr. Shoop had planned for today? Group sex. No, that's tomorrow. Today is independent study. Right after our mid-morning nap.
  543. You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? Then who the hell else are you talkin' to? You talkin' to me? Well I'm the only one here. Who do you think you're talking to? Oh yeah? Huh? Ok.
  544. Anybody not wearing 2 million sunblock is gonna have a real bad day
  545. It is very important that you don't suck today. Hey, I make no guarantees.
  546. Dozens of people spontaneously combust each year. It's just not really widely reported.
  547. What happened to the Volmer twins? See those two red spots?
  548. Just kick back and let the big dog eat.
  549. But what if the Guarantee Fairy's a crazy glue sniffer? Next thing you know there's change missing from your dresser and your daughter's knocked up. I've seen it a hundred times.
  550. Goose who's butt did you kiss to get in here anyway? The list is long, but distinguished. Yeah, well so is my Johnson.
  551. I know a little German. He's sitting over there.
  552. To infinity, and beyond!
  553. We would have injected vitamin C if only they had made it illegal!
  554. You wanna get Capone? Here's how you get him. He pulls a knife, you pull a gun. He sends one of yours to the hospital, you send one of his to the morgue. That's the Chicago way. And that's how you get Capone!
  555. I honestly don't think we're going to find the Grand Canyon on this road. Jesus, it's only the biggest God-damn hole in the world. Clark, watch your language! Make that the second biggest.
  556. Benjamin is nobody's friend. If Benjamin were an ice cream flavor, he'd be pralines and d*ck.
  557. It vexes me. I'm terribly vexed
  558. My plastic surgeon doesn't want me to do anything that involves balls flying at my nose. There goes your social life
  559. What's in the car? Seats and a steering wheel
  560. There's a shuttle down in the Cosco.. drop us right by the time machine
  561. This one will not be over quickly, you will not enjoy this, I'm not your queen